DT: Jay, what's up? We're best friends right?
JP: What do you want, Donald?
DT: Just a small favor from you. Need you to do something for me.
JP: I'm not cutting.
DT: Hey, hey, hey! You're being disrespectful, Jay. We're winning so much now that I need those rates lower. Do you understand?
JP: Inflation is still above target. We're not in a position to lower rates at the moment.
DT: That's fake news! There is no inflation! That disaster from Sleepy Joe is now over. I said I'll fix it and I did! We have the best inflation now. Have you seen it?
JP: Inflation expectations are not well anchored.
DT: Listen to me, Jay. I speak to people. Regular people. And they say I'm the best president. They say, "Wow, Donald, how did you fix inflation so quick?" Very nice people.
JP: Donald, inflation is far from fixed.
DT: The numbers are rigged! Nobody knows more about inflation than me.
JP: The rates aren’t going lower Donald. We already cut them three times last year.
DT: Three times? What is this?! Rate cuts for ants? I need them lower Jay, much lower. You can't make America great again with three cuts!
JP: Do you know what that will do to our credibility? We started easing while inflation was still running hot! It's well above target and you want us to cut more?!
DT: You're playing politics Jerome. You cut before the election. It didn't help Sleepy Joe. He lost. I won. Everyone knows this.
JP: This is ridiculous. Fed did not lower rates to help the democrats!
DT: CUT INTEREST RATES, JEROME, AND STOP PLAYING POLITICS!
JP: Fed is not in a position to cut! The committee is trying to be data dependent as there is too much policy uncertainty!
DT: That’s all previous administration's fault! Very typical of democrats. We inherited a total mess. But I alone can fix it. It's very stable now.
JP: We still don’t even know the full impact of the tariffs yet.
DT: America is getting rich on the tariffs! It's very good.
JP: American people are paying for your tariffs.
DT: China is paying for tariffs! In fact, I already spoke to China and they told me they are sending our manufacturing jobs back. Just last week, we received over 10,000 jobs.
JP: What?
DT: That's right. We're winning. Media won't report this, but it's a tremendous success for my administration.
JP: Donald, China is dumping all our bonds! Have you seen the 10-year?
DT: Well, that wouldn't have happened if I were president. They wouldn’t dare try that with me.
JP: YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT! You want rates lower, go talk to China.
DT: Jay, I've seen China rates. They have great rates. Lower than ours. We are losing to China because of you. We're getting ripped off. They are laughing at us!
JP: We’re not basing our policy on China. Our focus is full employment and…
DT: That’s right. And we have full employment under this administration. The best employment. Even people who don’t want to work have jobs. They said it was impossible, but I delivered.
JP: And we have delivered three rate cuts like you asked.
DT: This should've been done years ago! Listen Jay, I have many, many friends and they say, “Donald, you need to bring rates lower.” And they’re right. Very smart people. But you’re not being smart Jay. Not smart at all.
JP: The committee doesn’t just look at the labor market. We also have a mandate of price stability.
DT: Let me tell you something. Have you seen the ballroom we’re building? It’s a beautiful ballroom. I know a lot about real estate. We’re ahead of schedule and under budget. Prices are stable. Best prices we ever had. Biden's administration got us into this mess but I’m getting us out.
JP: The f*ck you talking about? Ballroom isn't representative of the broader economy! Your policies are hurting the economy! Businesses hold back on investment, consumer demand is heading south…
DT: It wouldn’t have happened if Mr Too Late cut the rates sooner! Certainly wouldn’t have happened if I were the Fed chair. Many say I should be the Fed chair. I think they’re right.
JP: Fed’s role is independent from the government.
DT: You are wrong, again, Jay. I’m the president. I run this country. Everything. Businesses, companies, the economy. And the economy is going strong. It's tremendous success! You can lower the rates now.
JP: Donald, that's not how…
DT: Jay, let me stop you right there. You don't have to explain. Nobody knows about the economy more than me. It's very simple.
JP: As I said, the committee is not in a position to bring rates lower.
DT: Jay, you are ripping off the beautiful American people! Very unfair. Sad!
JP: We set interest rates based on our best assessment of…
DT: You're being disrespectful, Jay, but you don’t have the cards. You don’t have the cards! You need to cut rates and make a deal.
JP: We're not cutting rates.
DT: Jay, you're fired!
JP: Donald, I have a fixed term.
DT: You're fired Jerome, pack up your things and go…
JP: I'm not going anywhere.
DT: You'll be very sorry for this, Jay. Very sorry.
